When I held my dad’s lifeless hand and walked away knowing I’d never see him again, I found myself at a crossroad.
I could turn left or right.
There was no going forward because a huge sink hole was now in front of me.
At the same time, there was no going backwards because what was done, was done. There was no turning back.
My journey was now detoured and I needed to choose a different path.
The trajectory of my life was changing- and as much as I felt out of control of everything, I had complete control over one thing: which path I was going to take for the rest of this ride we call life.
I was going to have to decide which detour I was going to take.
To my left was Why Me Avenue.
To my right was Try Me Lane.
Immediately, I turned left.
The further I drove down that road, the more I shook my fist at God and screamed WHY ME?!
I was looking out the window, envying everyone who still had what was taken from me.
I became filled with resentment and hate.
I began to even hate myself and blame myself.
I felt like God was attacking me. I thought he was out to get me.
What did I do so wrong to deserve so much pain?
And why would I trust a God that could do the opposite of what I was begging him to do in my prayers?
Why Me Avenue was almost where I ended up.
Until I parked my car and refused to drive another foot until I sorted this out with God.
The more I pursued Him, the more He made himself known to me.
I began to take my focus off of me and my pain and put my focus on Him and His plan for my life.
I was still wondering why but I was shifting the focus away from me and onto Him- I was allowing him to guide me.
I began to trust Him to lead me down the right detour for my life.
Afterall, that is what faith is- trusting when we don’t understand. Believing He will make a way when we cannot see one. Knowing that He will guide our lives when the life we planned doesn’t work out.
Why Me Avenue is a dark and lonely road to travel because it’s all about Y.O.U.
You will not find anything on Why Me Avenue except more pain.
There is no healing down Why Me Avenue.
You won’t even ever get the answer to Why Me down this road.
But the moment you take your eyes off of you and fixate them instead on Jesus, you’ll find yourself moving towards Try Me Lane.
When I allowed Jesus to begin healing my heart, I found myself fighting back.
I realized the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. And I decided he may have stolen from me and he may have manipulated me for a season, but he wasn’t going to anymore.
He wasn’t going to have the final say on my life.
He wasn’t going to distract me.
He wasn’t going to camp out in my thoughts and torment me anymore.
So I made a U-Turn down Try Me Lane.
And I told the devil to TRY ME.
When I find myself being tormented with self hatred, regret and pain- I remind the enemy who God says I am. I remind him that I may have lost a dad, but he inherited eternal life.
Nothing is lost with Jesus.
When the devil fills my mind with lies, I remind him of God’s promises.
Now that I am fixated on Jesus and trusting his perfect plan for my life, nothing the enemy throws at me can stop me.
I may never understand why it happened to me, but I do know Jesus is for me. Not against me.
And I dare the devil to try me.
If you find yourself down Why Me Avenue tonight, I hope you’ll pull over, park the car, and refuse to go any further until you work it out with Jesus.
I hope you’ll stop allowing the enemy to distract you with his why me detour.
I hope you will not allow him to destroy God’s plans for your life.
I hope you’ll get the strength to look in your rear view mirror and dare the devil…
“Try Me.”
John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
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